Rules - bring them on!

So I’m watching March Madness, in full swing, this weekend and a thought occurs to me as an “invisible” foul is called on a player. “Wow, I wish those refs would just let them play.” Which meant I thought, “I wish the officials hadn’t chosen that particular time to call a foul on the team for which I was rooting.” I didn’t see the foul and so I was a little annoyed. So what was the alternative? Did I really just want the ref to let the players play and not call any violations? No way. But I resented (as did the player involved and his coach) the application of a rule at that particular point in the game. It was mightily inconvenient! But rules are a part of that game. Rules are a part of everything for that matter. Imagine driving to work tomorrow on a highway system with no speed limits, no traffic lights, no “keep to the right” except to pass (as if anyone really obeys that one!). A scary thought – no?

When did we learn to follow rules? How did we learn to follow them? Likely (and hopefully) most of us learned these concepts at an early age. And while you may think that the topic of this post is terribly over-simplified and exceedingly obvious, you’d be surprised at how often I witness parents of young children totally missing this concept. Not because they don’t get it but because it’s just too hard!

But I challenge you today to think of what setting reasonable limits and rules with expected and consistent consequences for violation really means to a child and moreover, to our society. I’ll tell you. It means security. Few of us would follow any sporting event that didn’t have a pre-determined set of rules. I would not set foot out of my house tomorrow if I didn’t think most of the people on the road with me were abiding by common traffic laws. I derive security from these. Same with kids. We parents strive to save enough money for college, spend much time checking out pediatricians, classrooms, carseats and such for our children. We want the best for them; we want to ensure their future is bright, secure and happy. But when it comes to applying a rule or a consequence for breaking a rule to our children, we back down so often because we don’t want to upset the little guy. We don’t want to discourage free-will or expression of the sweet little girl. But that isn’t the way society works. Kids must be taught hard lessons that broken rules and exceeded limits equal undesirable consequences. Wouldn’t you prefer to teach it to your son or daughter with love than have him or her learn it later in society from anyone else who didn’t have their best interest at heart? Absolutely, it’s hard to deny a child something they want; it’s difficult to administer an unpleasant consequence when a child is upset or his or her feelings are hurt. But I promise you, your child needs your consistency and your unwavering commitment to teaching him or her right from wrong and controlled behavior. In later years, they will tell you (I know for a fact) that these practices were what defined their security.

And pray.

Tomorrow: Hard Work.