My Mammo

Several years ago I wrote the following - I was missing my Mammo very much - still do.

MAMMO

My family and friends moan to me when, in September, I begin playing my Christmas CD’s. I just smile and tell them that I love Christmas. I do love the season and always seem to push it up earlier in the calendar each year but few except those closest to me know why.

Mammo loved Christmas and I loved her so deeply that gratitude for having her in my life and sadness for the absence of her now, wells up within me every time she crosses my mind and my heart. At the age of forty, I know that I’ve never known anyone like her and am certain that I shall know none like her throughout the rest of my life. No one loved her family and their presence more than Mammo. Christmas represented this to her, I think. As a testament to her love of family and their love for her, her three children lived within fifty miles of her to the day of her death.

Christmas always included trips to Mammo’s on Christmas Day and time spent with her on Christmas Eve. Early to mid December found all under the Kerr name informed about her tree and encouraged to come by and see it. I remember from my early years always a beautifully flocked Christmas tree that boasted many presents for the entire family – there were those from Mammo and Paw Paw and then those that Paw Paw would buy “himself”. In my younger years, those Christmases included homemade doughnuts, the absolute best peanut butter fudge ever and lots of warmth and love. Any self-respecting descendent of the Kerr family should be able to relate that Bing Crosby’s “White Christmas” was her favorite Christmas recording. However, she always preferred to hear Uncle Pat and Uncle Denny and even my mother harmonize on any Christmas song with guitar accompaniment.

In the years after Paw Paw died, I think Christmas was a bittersweet time for Mammo. She loved Paw Paw so and missed him, during the holidays especially. However, she was blessed she would be the first to tell anyone, with wonderful, loyal friends and family. Kay Melton, Theda Bailey, Betty Ghorline, the hospital auxiliary and its Christmas Bazaar and gift shop, and keeping up with her kids and grandkids occupied her plans for the holidays and the rest of the year as well. As the years passed, it seemed to me, her Christmas tree became smaller, maybe it didn’t really but I thought it did. I don’t know why necessarily. I think maybe because it was the best she could do. Unlike many older people who find themselves alone after years of marriage and rearing their family, she didn’t stop celebrating and didn’t stop living; she just determined that it was okay to do just what she could, during Christmas time and at other times too.

I remember one of the last Christmases we had Mammo. I was grown with my own children. We had stopped going home to Kentucky for Christmas so our kids could celebrate Christmas in our own home. However, we always tried to come in sometime around the holidays. I recall taking Mammo Christmas shopping – on her very limited budget, she had little to spend on decorations or gifts. But when I arrived at her small duplex to take her, her little Christmas tree stood straight and pretty and she was very proud of it. I think Mammo’s Christmas trees were always the prettiest, regardless of their size. She always had a “color-scheme”, well planned out ahead of time so that her trees were color coordinated! We then went shopping and I remember thinking that she had planned and considered so thoroughly what every family member would enjoy for a gift. I’m sure I speak for all of my relatives when I say that it never mattered to me what Mammo gave because I always knew love and consideration were the biggest and best part of her presents.

There was never a time that we didn’t feel welcome at Mammo’s house. Iced tea (instant though it might be) flowed freely – coffee for the grown ups in the mornings. Things I remember about Mammo’s house from my early youth were Pop-tarts, Frosted Mini-Wheats, toasted peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and Paw Paw’s fried pork tenderloin. Mammo loved her fritoes, ice cream, and bananas; crackers in milk were a delicacy that I believed all people enjoyed – ha! Little did I know! I remember the smell of Downy on her sheets, thin towels and washcloths, and her perfume, Toujours Moi. I remember she never had a pencil sharpener but sharpened pencils with a knife! I remember my sister and me eating frosted flakes on Saturday nights in Mammo and Paw Paw’s bedroom, watching television while the adults played cards. Some of my best memories are of spending the night with Mammo and Paw Paw and trying my best to sleep through the snoring! I also remember Mammo going about her activities around her house with a silent whistle that was endearing, if not lacking in melody. I remember going to the G and O for doughnuts with Mammo and going to St. Thomas Moore or St. Francis mass on Sunday mornings. I remember when I was very, very little going to the old Holiday Inn restaurant after church for brunch sometimes with them.

I remember that if Mammo had a can of gold spray paint, we’d better take cover! And we could never get overly attached to any furniture grouping in her house because it could and would be rearranged at the drop of a hat. I recall that I used to love hearing her tell stories of her childhood with her brothers and sister. There was a particular story that I would ask that she tell me again and again that always ended with Mammo head-down in the mud in a pond.

I remember exactly the way Mammo said, “Hello” when she answered the phone on the second ring – always. We used to tease her about it. I remember, when I was very young, their house on Mimosa Drive and the flower shed where she worked on her hobby, flower arrangements. She was so talented. I remember that she always found some go-together outfit on sale or would sew a really smart ensemble for any event she had coming up. She would show those outfits to me with such excitement. I remember her little on and off switch for her television – it was a pre-historic remote control! I remember watching “Carson” with her (didn’t call it the “Tonight Show”) and that she could not stand “Leno” when he took over. And God forbid anyone be talking or moving about when the weather report came on!

Mammo was always there; could always be counted upon to lend unconditional love and support. She loved her family in the most pure fashion – always forgiving of anyone going too long without calling or visiting, never failing to be a part of each of our lives whenever wanted or needed; always appreciative of anything any of us did for her. She believed her children, their spouses and their children were the best at whatever they did. I’ve often told my children that everyone should have someone in their lives like Mammo. She was my biggest fan. She was the person I always wanted to call when something happened to me up until the day she died. I still, five years after her death, find myself going to the telephone to call her. She never failed to encourage and never failed to communicate love and acceptance.

There are so many, many memories of my Mammo – all good – I haven’t kept one bad memory, because I really don’t think I ever had any. I know that before she died, when I’d hear someone say they’d lost a grandparent, I would express sorrow but never really thought about it being as bad as losing a more immediate family member. Now that Mammo is gone, I know better.

In the 1990’s there was a Christian slogan that caught on and spread throughout the secular world. It was a great slogan, encouraging everyone to reflect “What would Jesus do?” While I probably don’t ask myself that enough before I act these days, I do find myself thinking sometimes, “What would Mammo say or do?” I don’t think God minds that. I think when Mammo died and got to heaven he hugged her and said I love you and she probably felt the same joy and peace that I always felt when she gave me those same words and that same hug.

I miss her so much.

Tis the season...

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas, everywhere you ..... well really the weather around Nash-vegas isn't all that Christmasey right now but my spirit is! Yes, I am the person who always rushes the Christmas holidays! Not for commercial reasons - but for REAL reasons. To me it's all about expectations.

My Christmas expectations include many gatherings that include my precious family - both immediate and extended. There will be parties, get-togethers, caroling, and the like, with friends - what fun! Other expectations will involve me standing in a richly storied church sanctuary singing Christmas and Advent songs to the top of my lungs - waiting for a re-entry of the Christ-child into my heart! Still other expectations will mean that my family will take public and private opportunities to share Christ's love to those less fortunate.

One of my favorite childhood memories involving Christmas centers around our family reading the story of Christ's birth from Luke 2 every Christmas eve. My sisters, my brother, and my mama and daddy would gather around our living room and read it reverently. I remember mama encouraging us to close our eyes and imagine ourselves on the road to Bethlehem with Mary and Joseph. It was vivid in my childlike mind.

Neat memory.

What is a special Christmas memory you have?

BTW - I'll be re-visiting this Christmas theme often over the next few weeks - it's what I love.

Love You!

Over the past few years, I have noticed that I say "I love you" or "love you" considerably more than I used to. A very long time ago, when I was small, I remember my mother commenting one time about how people just seemed to throw around the word love with abandon. She had been watching something on television and observed someone saying "I love that ____." I don't even remember what it was but I remember thinking, in a very immature way, "Maybe that person really does love _______." My mom is a gem but she can play that cynical card sometimes.

So anyway, here I am, a year or two past 40 (hush), realizing that I am telling a lot of people that I love them. I just told a sweet friend that I loved her while we were chatting on facebook. And I do love her. Who would have thunk it? That as I get older, my heart expands. I love my family - they are the neatest people in the world. Seriously. My husband is a kid in a man costume and drives me bananas most days but he is the best man for me in the whole world - no question. I love my kids. Each one of them , individually, embody so many things that I want to be when I grow up - smart, caring, gorgeous, hard-working, really smart (did I already say that). And I literally have the most precious friends in the world. I have friends that are so young, they are really my kids' friends who I've borrowed. I have a few friends who are seasoned beyond their 70th year - what a blessing for me! And these are people who say "Love you" to.

After I told my friend on facebook tonight that I loved her and we both signed off, I remembered what my mom had said so many years ago about people throwing "love" around so much. I wondered if I really love my friend or just loved that she was in my life. And you know what? I do love her. She's an amazing mom, wife, servant and friend. She lives her life in a way that causes me (and others) to admire her and desire to spend time with her. So yeah, I love her.

And if I've told you that I love you lately, know that I mean it. My heart just keeps getting bigger and bigger. One of the sweet young friends I mentioned earlier recently gave me a bookmark with the following scripture from 1 John 4:10-12.

"This is love: not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and His love is made complete in us."

So perhaps if I'm loving more, it means, I'm reflecting more of Him. I surely hope so!

I have always bristled when I hear the quote attributed to Hilary Clinton, "It takes a village to raise a child." I resist the basic tenent of that statement because it really doesn't take a village to raise a child. (and also because proper grammar would say, "rear a child" but I digress) Anyway, it seems that this statement shifts the responsibility for bringing up a child from his or her parents, to society at large. And therein, in my humble blogging opinion, is one of the primary causes of societal decline. Parents (those who remain married to one another, those who don't, those who choose to have a baby alone, all sort of parents) seem increasingly eager to allow various entities to participate in the rearing of their own children. And while this is a deep and wide subject about which I have a plethora of additional opinion (shocking!), it really isn't what I want to discuss today.

I've been reminded of this "takes a village" statement recently because we've been working with children at our church in our VBS. We have been blessed with children from all sorts of socio-economic and cultural backgrounds. They are all precious. And honestly, my first instinct is to look to the children who are coming to us from the inner-city as being more needy than the ones whose parents accompany them to church or whose parents I know personally. And I think this is a mistake on my part.

All children are needy. Children, by definition, are young people who aren't equipped or ready to provide for themselves or protect themselves. So in my preparation this week to work with all of the children, I've asked the Lord to help me say words that help them all feel protected and loved - regardless of their backgrounds, their home life, or their quirky little personalities. I know one thing, regardless of what these children face when they aren't with us at church, I'm grateful that their parents, families, or guardians are entrusting them to our care for a few hours each week and are willing to let them come and be loved with us and learn more about Jesus. What a huge and awesome responsibility that is for my friends and I who are privileged enough to work with these munchkins!

So you know what - I guess that makes me part of the "village" - and I'm glad.

Name Draw Time Again - GG

Compassionate
Loving
Would give the shirt off her back
Hospitable
Kind
Way Smarter than she thinks
Animal Lover
Great Dancer (she doesn't remember that I've seen her dance!)
The best imaginable example to me
Selfless
Incredible Cook
Talented Artist
Involved Grandmother
So Fun!

Gayle is one of those people who confirm to me that God loves me beyond measure. You may ask why. Not because Gayle tells me that God loves me. But because, just by the simple fact that she is in my life, I know God loves me. You see God sent her to me and my family some 26 or so years ago.

In the early 1980s, Ed and I had just recently moved to Nashville. We were very young parents with no family nor friends here. I worked with Gayle at that time. She pretty much adopted us and our children as her own and went about caring for us, supporting us, chastising us (when we needed it), feeding us, encouraging us, and generally just loving us.

If you were able to gather all of the people that Gayle has known in her life into one HUGE gymnasium and polled them to ask for one or two words that would convey Gayle's character, I am certain two words you would hear again and again would be giving and kind.

It is amazing how many people she has helped, served, and loved during her life. Gayle embodies a saying that someone recently introduced me to - Love Wins. And love wins because of people like Gayle who are Christlike in the manner in which they serve and care for others.

I love her more than she will ever know.

Must See TV!

I grew up in a time before TV was garbage. In the 1960s and 1970s, television watching was a family activity. Some of my favorite shows were The Brady Bunch, Starsky and Hutch (the REAL one), Streets of San Francisco, The Flip Wilson Show, Family Affair, I Dream of Jeanie, Bewitched, American Bandstand, Mary Tyler Moore Show, Rhoda - gosh so many.

Here's a clip from a particularly stellar example of 1970's television production. The show was called Sigmund and Sea Monsters. Watch and be awed:



What were some of your favorite television shows?

Do you remember the words to the song from your favorite show?

Here's one to get you started:

Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale
A tale of a fateful trip
That started from this tropic port
Aboard this tiny ship
The mate was a mighty sailing man
The skipper, brave and sure
Five passengers set sail that day for a three hour tour,
A three hour tour.

The weather started getting rough.
The tiny ship was tossed.
If not for the courage of the fearless crew,
The Minnow would be lost.
The Minnow would be lost.

The ship set shore on the shore of this uncharted desert isle,
With Gilligan
The Skipper too.
The Millionaire, and his wife.
The Movie Star
The Professor
And Mary Ann.

Here on Gilligan's Isle.

Yep, remembered all those words myself!

You post one.

Whew - big, long break.



Tattoos. I just don't get them. I mean I don't understand them. And no, I won't "get" them either.



Now don't get me wrong. I am not judging anyone who has one. I used to. Tacky is what I used to call them. I don't know that I still think they are tacky. Maybe I do (if I'm being honest). But I don't think the people who get them are tacky people.

But honestly, why PERMANANTLY do anything to your body (outside of something medically necessary)? I have to wonder, are people who get a tattoo individuals who have never, one time in their lives, changed their mind about something?

Have you loved every haircut you've ever had? (Hair grows)
Have you never had buyer's remorse? (Most stores have a 90 day return policy - or at the very worst, you can earn more money to replace money foolishly spent)
Have you never thought (about ANYthing) "Dangit, that was a stupid choice."

If the answer is yes, to any of these questions, why in the world PERMANENTLY alter your body unnecessarily? Seriously.

Someone talk me out of this staunch opposition I have to tattoos. Give me one good reason for getting one.

Maybe mine will say, "Waddie".

Smart (duh)
Real - very real
Pretty
Gentle
Gifted (not only in the way you think)
Peaceful
Competitive (after Waddie's own heart!)
Loving
Strong
Musically Talented
Funny - dry and very funny
Likes to buy Waddie cosmos - yes, this is a fine quality!
Amazing Mother
Supportive Wife
Loving Daughter

Today I am blogging about my relatively new friend Elaine. And even though I've known her for only about a year, it seems much longer - in a good way. You see, today is kind of a big deal day for her. She is a molecular biologist who is speaking at an international conference in California on some work she's done. Isn't that amazing? She's not even 30 years old yet. And she's also the most hands on but laid back mommy I know. Her daughter is without-a-doubt the most well-adjusted, happy, loving child I've ever known - yes, even including my own! And it's because Elaine and Rob parent her so well and with so much love.

And when I say Elaine is gifted, I don't mean in the obvious ways (like through intelligence, beauty and talent - even though she is). To me she is gifted by the Lord in a unique fashion - she is incredibly intelligent (has her phD), creatively talented, deeply loving and kind, and amazingly real and well rounded. How many people do you know like that? I'm thankful for Elaine and her friendship. She and her family have become unofficial family to us - whether they wanted to or not!

And in our family, we celebrate "big deal days" like Elaine is having today. Go team! Yay Elaine!

Randomness - airport style

Sitting in the Tampa airport - arrived early for my flight back to Nashville.

Airports truly are one of the best places to people-watch, you know. As humans it is difficult to watch people and not form opinions or ideas of the kind of people you think they are. Which is totally wrong - it's judgemental. So I'm going to conduct a small exercise in people watching just using my imagination and hopefully zero judgement.

First of all - have you ever noticed that just about every airport you've ever been to - most of the accents you hear are either northern or foreign. It's rare that I've heard many people say, "the baggage claim is over yunder," or "dangit, y'all my suitcase is too dadblame heavy." Just sayin.......

A man and his approximately nine year old daughter just walked by. So cute. She's hungry - he's helping her find something to eat. I wonder where they are going or where they've been. Perhaps they are returning from a volleyball tournament or some other sports tournament - she's dressed in a little sports jacket. Dad and daughter moments are so sweet.

Whoops - there goes a lady older than me with purple hair. Biting lip - biting lip - lip bleeding - no judgement.

Why is it that seats at the airport gate are so uncomfortable? And you know, now that I think about it - I don't ever remember seeing anyone wipe them down or clean them in any airport I've ever been in. Ick big time.

Two pilots walking by. Wouldn't it be funny for a pilot to walk by in dark glasses with a seeing-eye dog. I wonder how many people would do a double take.

How many people walked barefoot on the carpet through the security gate that I just walked through while also barefoot? Ick again.

Why is that little kids and older people are the only people who get to ride around on strollers or carts? Why can't a 46 year old woman get a stroller ride every once in a while. I think it would kind of be like a bubble bath or a massage - a nice treat now and again.

I wonder if I have ever seen any of these people before or ever will again? Have you ever thought about that? How many people you encounter in your lifetime. It truly is mind-boggling I think.

There is a man walking by with a yellow lei of flowers. Intersting. I bet he had a fun trip!

Oh well - enough obscure observations for one afternoon - off to Starbucks, airport-style.

blah

Not feeling it today friends. Don't know why - well yeah I do. But doesn't bear mentioning here - nothing serious. Just today I'm "melancholy waddie". Hey that almost rhymes.

Any suggestions for how to liven up or cheer up? What do you do on days when you're blue? If it's a Monday or Tuesday, I usually look forward to good TV nights at home. But alas, today is Thursday. Would be a good day for a surprise Harper visit - hint hint! I did get to hold baby Everett for a very long time last night. So sweet and cuddly and peaceful - his mom and dad are doing well with him. What is it about cuddling with a little baby that causes us to cheer up?

Here's a cute video that has been known to elicit a laugh - maybe I need to watch it a few times myself!
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I'll be wise and verbiose tomorrow.

pray

Em

Insightful
Unwaveringly committed
Fair (not of complexion but of beauty)
Very, very cool
Immensely talented
A lifelong and happy giver
Warrior
Martha Stewart – in a middle Tennessee world
Unicorn hater
Visionary
Spirit led
Loving encourager at all times
Incredible cook (maybe right up there with my mom)
One of my most precious blessings

When my husband and I were younger adults, we were rearing young children. This was a time when most of our contemporaries were single, in college, and establishing careers. We were happy to be where we were at that time but one of the trade-offs was that we didn’t get to develop adult friendships.

In Emily, the Lord rewarded me for doing things in the right season of my life. I am so glad that Emily and I have grown to be such close friends. She is truly amazing (a much over used word these days). And the neat thing about Emily is that she realizes her “amazing-ness” comes from the Lord. She is a Godly woman. Her heart for service is led by her faith in God even when He leads her places she wouldn’t always choose to go.

The relationship I have with Emily is one of friendship but also one that never ceases to make me a better person - a person with deeper faith. She holds me accountable in my walk. The Lord has used her too many times to count in His delivery of a message to me. I know that if I go to her with something, I will get a “prayed about” or “faith-first” answer.

Today is Em’s birthday - she deserves a smashing day and I plan to try to help her have one! I love her so much! Emily, this verse reminds me of you because you are honorably beautiful before the Lord. The king is enthralled by your beauty; honor him, for he is your lord. - Psalm 45:11

Pray – Em does.


ps: Yes Emily I intentionally chose a photo of you with a baby - it's my blog - I can do that!

Nicole

Well crap.
It was bound to happen.
It is (probably subconsciously) one of the reasons that I decided to blog every other day about someone in my life - friend or family - and tell all of the really neat things about them.

I drew someone's name who I'm mad at. Pretty sure she's mad at me too. But whatever. Doesn't mean I don't love her and won't get around to forgiving eventually. The Lord isn't really terribly happy with me for harboring the "mad" right now so perhaps He shuffled the little slips of paper around in my name envelope or perhaps He just turned every little slip of paper into the one name in there that I'm upset with. Neither here nor there really. Suck it up - Man up Waddie. Play nice.




Nicole

joyful
loving mother
mad slipping
considerate daughter, friend and sister
always, always looks for good
perhaps more hurt than mad
can sell ice to, well yes, eskimoes!
generous to a fault
mainly aggravated
lovely
strong
getting over it
my friend - always

I love her. Pray for me today - I need to forgive.

Shame Shame

One of the most painful arguments my husband and I have had over the past dozen or so years resulted from a comment I made to our son. I told him I was ashamed of him. My husband didn’t think I should have made this comment to him.

I gotta say, an outside observer would have thought that I had said my son was ugly and smacked babies for all of the drama caused by this one remark I’d made. It stands out in my memory as a defining moment in my relationship with my son. I’m not especially proud of this fact.

To this day I feel shame is a necessary character building tool. I’m not sure my husband agrees. I’m pretty sure my son didn’t agree some ten or so years ago when I uttered the afore-mentioned vitriol at him! And I’m not sure I’m right about this so I’ll invite you to comment at the end – I’d really like to know if my way is the right way to think here or if it’s just me being Waddie and attempting to exert some more of my famous “mind-control.”

Anyway, I digress.

My old friend Merriam-Webster (actually made up of three people you know), offers multiple definitions for the word shame but I believe their definition stating the following will be the most apt for my blog today:

Shame (n): something that brings censure or reproach ; also : something to be regretted

Mind you, I didn’t go about telling my children they had caused me shame repeatedly. As a matter of fact, I don’t remember ever saying this other that the time I’m mentioning above. I’m sure I said something about it from time to time, but rather in a fashion somewhat similar to, “You should be ashamed of yourself.” Which is more likely what I meant when I told Clay I was ashamed of him. Except I was also mad and hurt with him so I inserted “I’m ashamed of you.” Perhaps I should revisit that with him after all these years and maybe try to rebuild that bridge. Digressing again – sorry.

So shame is an indicator that one has a moral compass. Do you want your child to have one? Obvious answer right? Well in constructing that moral compass with them (yes, that is YOUR job – not that of your church, their school, or even the Veggie Tales), there will be a time (or a bazillion times) when your son or daughter steps over that line of right into wrong. And somehow you’ve got to convince them that it really isn’t a desirable place to be even if it feels good or is fun. How? Well if you’re getting through on the whole concept of right and wrong, there will be some shame. They will regret what they’ve done, as M-W says above. Why will they regret it? For one, they should and will temporarily fall out of your favor. And falling out of favor does not equal falling out love or even falling out of like with your child. It does mean that your child knows you aren’t happy with their actions and even that you disapprove and in communicating this to them, shame is one of their resultant emotions. It’s okay – again – if you’re doing most everything else okay (which I really believe you are or you wouldn’t be reading parenting blogs) then their feelings might get hurt a little (shame hurts – it’s icky and it make us feel blecky deep inside) but their self-esteem won’t suffer irreparably. Promise.

Now back to my son, I’m wondering if I should have told him I was ashamed of him or if I should have just allowed (and hoped) that his natural moral compass had brought about shame in his heart on his own? Thoughts?

BarbMag

Barbara
classy and couth
one of the good girls
core 4 – the blond (natural of course)
level headed
dedicated employee
pretty
no better friend anywhere
prayer warrior
an AMAZING catch
obedient
“animal lover” does not even come close to describing
cherished and loving daughter
sound and strong
patient but obediently seeking
a servant

Barbara is one of my very dearest friends – not in the high school, “best friend” way – but in the accountability, “makes me a better person way”. I admire her more than she will ever know. She is held in exceedingly high esteem by all who know her. I have known her for many years – she babysat my oldest daughter – wow! But it has only been in the past few years that I have been blessed to know her on a level that is based on the way Christ commanded us to love others and make all those around us stronger in faith. Barbara does this for me. Once, last year sometime, when I was going through an unpleasant illness and Barbara was praying for me, she quoted the scripture that says, “….because we are wonderfully and fearfully made.” Psalms 139:14. Wow – I will never forget her affirming me before the Lord like that. I gained instant peace from my health worry. I’m telling you folks – if you don’t know Barbara – you should. She is one of the people I thank the Lord for over and over. I love her.

And one the coolest things about her is how much she knows about sports, particularly all things Titans, Predators and Vandy – we agree on two out three of the teams and it’s SO cool to talk sports with another girl who really knows what’s going on!

Today is her birthday – I must be honest and tell you that her name draw was not random today – wish her a Happy Day!

Pray - Barb does!

A-P-P-R-O-P-R-I-A-T-E - a $64 word!

In my opinion (duh - it's my blog) there are three grossly underused, overlooked words in society today and one I want to address with you today.

Appropriate: especially suitable or compatible (Merriam-Webster)

There are times when simply saying to a child, "Please don't," or "You shouldn't" or "You'd better not" just won't get it.

I always felt it was important to explain to our children why they shouldn't do things and in doing so the concepts of appropriateness, shame, and guilt often were discussed. (Shame and guilt coming up in future posts) I am of the opinion that a child's self esteem isn't built or broken by words that sometimes make them feel bad for something they've done.

There are times when it isn't appropriate behavior for your son to stick his hand down the front of his pants. (or your husband for that matter) - this is something that little and big boys do from time to time, you know. And you know what? If you admonish your little boy and tell him it isn't appropriate to do such a thing, his self-esteem/confidence won't suffer - and he won't be a coward or an under-achiever or anything like that. And hopefully he'll also not be a grown man who goes about "re-arranging the furniture" in public either. Which is, after all, what you're going for here isn't it?

If your 13 year old daughter comes out of the house to go to church wearing a dress that is really just a long shirt and you march her skinny little behind back into the house telling her she's dressed inappropriately, I promise you her self-esteem will not be damaged. Her pride maybe, but not her self-image. Hopefully just the opposite will occur. She will realize that she is too valuable to display herself to all who attend your church! And perhaps it's likely her self-worth will rise in the process. You may end up being late to church and she's going to be pouting the whole way - but you know what - she'll look like a kid whose parents love her too much to let her go to church looking like a hoochy-mama! Am I right or what?

So in working to grow your own little adult - don't be afraid to use the "appropriate" word. I think society would like it if we didn't because it has a connotation associated with stuffiness, tradition, and old people. But according to Merriam-Webster, it's a word that's been around since the 12th century so I think it has some value!

Keep praying - highly appropriate!

PS: word to the wise - never google the following looking for related photo to post on this blog: "teenager short skirt photo" - I may be fired for what now has appeared on my computer!

I want MY mommy!

Mom
never wavering
pretty
strong
loving
respected
smart (seems everyone I write about is smart!)
selfless
nurse
artistically gifted
beautiful alto voice
devoted daughter
funny
without a doubt - the best cook I know
role model

Okay - so it really isn't fair for me to put my mom's name in my envelope to draw out, is it? Who doesn't love their mama? My mother and I go way back - ha! She taught me so very much about life and about fairness and compassion and service - things that I hope I've passed along to my children. When I was little, I was never allowed to make fun of someone else. My mother forbade my sister and I from ridiculing others. She simply wouldn't have it. She always insisted that we try to think of how another person's life might be before we were critical. I can remember her helping other, less fortunate, people in our community, without anyone else ever knowing. I remember a little girl in my sister's class at school who had next to nothing. We would take that family food, clothing, and other things because it was the right thing to do. My mother loves the Lord and serves Him still. I learned so much from my mother, but that is the most important thing she modeled for me. And she still prays for me every day.

I love you Mama!

You pray too.

It All Adds Up!

I have put off this next parental advice blog topic for over a week now. One reason is because I have had a lot of fun saying nice things about my name draws lately! But truth be told, I dreaded attempting to blog financial advice for parents.

I am definitely not going to give any financial advice in terms of how to spend or save money while rearing your children. Rather, I want to encourage you parents to avoid making some of the same mistakes that my husband and I made with our children.

You see, both Ed and I were reared in working class families. Back when we were growing up, in a small town, it was normal for kids to have to wait to get toys and bikes, even clothes and shoes! I can remember how badly I wanted to take ballet class – my best friend was able to – and I couldn’t. My family couldn’t afford it. Ed can recount the day, practically minute by minute, when he received a very rudimentary mini-bike for Christmas. He’d wanted one for a very long time – he’d had to wait because his parents, like mine, couldn’t afford to out and buy a large toy like this on a whim. It comes as no surprise to us now as adults, that neither of us were permanently scarred by being made to wait for or even being denied something we thought we simply couldn’t live without when we were kids.

However, as loving parents, we wanted more for our kids. How many times have you heard parents say this? How many times have you thought this about your own child? For Ed and me, wanting more for our children often took the form of our being sure they weren’t denied anything or made to wait for much because we couldn’t afford it. And believe me, there were plenty of times we couldn’t afford things. This truly was a disservice we did our children. We sent them to private schools – not something I regret – would do it again without question! However, in doing so, their friends often had very few wants that went unmet by their (wealthier than us) parents. So what did we do? We made sure our kids had all those things too. We made sure that they never missed a lesson, game, trip, or party – no matter the effect on the family budget. This wasn’t the best way I now see.

It wasn’t often our kids heard, “we can’t afford that.” We didn’t want them to be aware of any financial struggle that we might have been experiencing. Our feeling, as is that of most parents I think, was that they were young and didn’t need the stress of financial issues – which, in large part, was very true. But as I’ve said before in this blog, keeping your children from reality and realistic family situations isn’t the best way to teach them.

I guess what I’m saying is this. Don’t be afraid to let your kids know that you work for a living and work to provide for them. Don’t keep financial reality from them by sacrificing the wellbeing of the family as a whole in order to prevent your child from going without. (Not referring to necessities here). It’s okay and not at all permanently damaging for a child to hear, “We can’t afford to buy that right now,” or “you’ll have to help save for your trip if you want to go.”

Availing your child of life’s financial realities accomplishes two things. First it means that you’re making better financial decisions for your family unit and second, it teaches the child that anything worth having is worth working for and yes, even worth saving for. They won’t be the only one at school who doesn’t have that really groovy new pair of shoes – I promise!




And pray.

Tater

Tall
Gentleman
Renaissance Man
Unbelievably Good Catch for some young woman
Christian
Loving
Near perfect son
Awesome and much missed brother
Servant
Scary Smart
Successful (not in a worldly way but in the way that matters)
Fun
Friend to all - especially JoeManPete
Very, very funny
Heart-warming

Tate is not family - but really he is to us. His brother married our daughter a few years ago and we were blessed with such a wonderful addition to our family. For a while I harbored a not-so-secret wish that Tate and my other daughter would eventually have their own happy ending but alas, the Lord meant only for them to be very good friends, I believe. We love our daughter's in-laws, Tate and his family, and consider them all family.

Tate is currently serving a very long assignment with the Peace Corps in Senegal, Africa.
Yes, that's right. People really do join the Peace Corps. Not just anyone though - people like Tate. I went to search the scriptures for one that reminded me of Tate and this one is perfect:

"Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. Then you will win favor and a good name in the sight of God and man." Proverbs 3:3-4

If there were ever a person who is viewed favorably and as a good man by all who know him, it would be Tate.

Tate always gives me a hug when he sees me - I miss his hugs! Not all young men like to hug middle-aged women and mean it! What a guy. I miss him a whole lot - I know his family misses him even more. He won't be home until late next year - 2010. Waddie wants to be involved in a one big party for his homecoming!

the Donald

I know I said I would alternate blog posts between Mommie advice and good words about people in my life but again, this is my blog, yada yada yada - and today I still want to talk nice....

I drew Don's name out of my envelope today. Yes, I truly do have an envelope - my friend Dayna didn't believe me - I just showed it to her!

Don(ald)
incredible friend
husband's best friend
impossibly dry wit
good drinking buddy (for my husband - years ago)
good bowler
faithful and loving husband
intelligent
loves sports (UK and Cardinals)
doesn't like LaRussa (yes this is a good thing to say about someone)
caring son
thoughtful and encouraging
very good at what he does
we miss he and his wife so much!

Don is a fellow with whom my husband and I went to high school. We all grew up in the same town. He and my husband remain best friends even though several miles now separate our families. He and his sweet wife (whose name will be drawn eventually too) have been precious friends to us and unending fountains of encouragement and support to our children for nearly thirty years. He is one of those people who could be called at any time for any thing. Everyone needs a friend like Don in their life. I'm so grateful for him.

The only photos I have of Don are from about 100 years ago.

Dayna

Okay so today starts my new idea for blogging. I'm going to choose someone I know and say all of the nice things I can think of about that person. This will accomplish several things, to my way of thinking. First, it will reinforce how grateful I should be that this particular person is in my life. Second, it will hopefully make someone else feel very loved! And third, it will make you want to get to know said person also. (assuming you don't already)

I have a big envelope that I've placed lots of names into - I will draw one out each time and then just throw out some one or two word phrases about this person.

First draw today is Dayna

co-worker

pretty

friend

very loyal

hard working

so kind

great sister

considerate daughter

loving mother and wife

smart

wonderful corn casserole maker

even better chocolate cake maker

Dayna is an exceedingly nice lady with whom I work. I've known her now for about nine years and I love her. She would do absolutely anything in the world for anyone and truly has a Christian heart. I am honored to call her my friend.

Tune in tomorrow - we'll see whose name I draw.....