It All Adds Up!

I have put off this next parental advice blog topic for over a week now. One reason is because I have had a lot of fun saying nice things about my name draws lately! But truth be told, I dreaded attempting to blog financial advice for parents.

I am definitely not going to give any financial advice in terms of how to spend or save money while rearing your children. Rather, I want to encourage you parents to avoid making some of the same mistakes that my husband and I made with our children.

You see, both Ed and I were reared in working class families. Back when we were growing up, in a small town, it was normal for kids to have to wait to get toys and bikes, even clothes and shoes! I can remember how badly I wanted to take ballet class – my best friend was able to – and I couldn’t. My family couldn’t afford it. Ed can recount the day, practically minute by minute, when he received a very rudimentary mini-bike for Christmas. He’d wanted one for a very long time – he’d had to wait because his parents, like mine, couldn’t afford to out and buy a large toy like this on a whim. It comes as no surprise to us now as adults, that neither of us were permanently scarred by being made to wait for or even being denied something we thought we simply couldn’t live without when we were kids.

However, as loving parents, we wanted more for our kids. How many times have you heard parents say this? How many times have you thought this about your own child? For Ed and me, wanting more for our children often took the form of our being sure they weren’t denied anything or made to wait for much because we couldn’t afford it. And believe me, there were plenty of times we couldn’t afford things. This truly was a disservice we did our children. We sent them to private schools – not something I regret – would do it again without question! However, in doing so, their friends often had very few wants that went unmet by their (wealthier than us) parents. So what did we do? We made sure our kids had all those things too. We made sure that they never missed a lesson, game, trip, or party – no matter the effect on the family budget. This wasn’t the best way I now see.

It wasn’t often our kids heard, “we can’t afford that.” We didn’t want them to be aware of any financial struggle that we might have been experiencing. Our feeling, as is that of most parents I think, was that they were young and didn’t need the stress of financial issues – which, in large part, was very true. But as I’ve said before in this blog, keeping your children from reality and realistic family situations isn’t the best way to teach them.

I guess what I’m saying is this. Don’t be afraid to let your kids know that you work for a living and work to provide for them. Don’t keep financial reality from them by sacrificing the wellbeing of the family as a whole in order to prevent your child from going without. (Not referring to necessities here). It’s okay and not at all permanently damaging for a child to hear, “We can’t afford to buy that right now,” or “you’ll have to help save for your trip if you want to go.”

Availing your child of life’s financial realities accomplishes two things. First it means that you’re making better financial decisions for your family unit and second, it teaches the child that anything worth having is worth working for and yes, even worth saving for. They won’t be the only one at school who doesn’t have that really groovy new pair of shoes – I promise!




And pray.